


The mind churns, the heart yearns

by nathen-millers (TheBoxer)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-07 22:40:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1916646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBoxer/pseuds/nathen-millers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate universe where Finn dies in episode 7. </p><p>Clarke and Bellamy in the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The mind churns, the heart yearns

**Author's Note:**

> So I play with timelines with this. To break it down, Bellamy has been pardoned, the whole nut thing/Dax thing has happened but minus Lincoln. The guns have been found. I think that's it. Comment if you have any questions.

They got the antidote, Octavia's stupid stunt had worked. At least for her. By the time Clarke had gotten down to Finn, Raven was sobbing, she was shaking him. Clarke had pushed her aside, she listened for his heart beat, before starting to do chest compressions on him. 

Bellamy watched her for a minute before saying softly, "Clarke," 

Her head snapped up, her blue eyes were wild. Bellamy moved toward her and Finn's body, "Clarke, he's gone." 

Clarke shook her head, "No he's not, he's not dead, Bellamy! And if you think he is, you can leave." 

Clarke continued to do chest compressions, Bellamy grabbed her arms and turned her away from Finn. 

She tried twisting away but his hold on her was too strong. Clarke settleded for pounding on his chest, "He isn't dead! He can't be dead, we have the antidote," she said helplessly. 

Bellamy let her yell and continue to hit him. Eventually, her hits stopped, and she just stood there, with her hands on his shoulders and his hands wrapped around her upper arms. The tent was silent. All that could be heard was Raven's sobbing. 

******

Finn's funeral was the first the 100 had. With Wells, they were to busy trying to find his killer.  
Then with Charlotte, there wasn't even a body, and everyone was too in shock of all that had happened. 

It wasn't much of a funeral, a couple of the boys had dug a hole of the body, the hole was next to Wells, and Bellamy and couple others lowered Finn into the hole. 

No one took Finn's clothes or shoes. He was burried with them. 

Raven didn't even come. She stayed in the dropship, barely eating. 

Bellamy wasn't surprised. He was surprised to see Clarke there.

As people started to shovel dirt over Finn's grave, Bellamy walked over to Clarke, "You don't have to be here," he said not unkindly, "I have it covered." 

Clarke turns away from Finn's grave. She looked awful. Her eyes, which were normally a vibrant blue, were dulled considerably and were sunken into her face. Her blonde hair was messier than normal. 

"I know but I wanted to see him, one last time." She said quietly. 

They both stood there silently, long after Finn was covered and everyone else moved back to camp. They stood there until the sun went down. Bellamy thinks she would have stayed there all night had he not taken her back to camp. 

******

No one really knew what to do with the grounder. Octavia wanted to let him go. Jasper and Monty thought he would have useful information but the only way to get it was though hurting Octavia, which Bellamy was very strongly against. 

Bellamy wasn't sure what to do, he couldn't just let the grounder go. But killing him could induce an attack. He knew who would know what to do, Clarke. But lately, Clarke had been quiet, she didn't argue with him. In fact if she talked to anyone, Bellamy called that day progress. At first Bellamy was ok with it. He knew what it was like to grieve over a loved one, he knew what it was like to feel alone in the world. A month after Finn's death, he started to wonder if she would ever be the same. 

Bellamy once tried talking to Raven about the grounder. 

"Kill him," she said unemotionally, "He killed Finn, that should be enough for you." 

She refused to discuss any other options. 

******

Part of Bellamy agreed with Raven. The grounder killed one of their own, it would be revenge, justice. 

Another part of Bellamy thinks about what Clarke said a while back, 'We don't choose who lives and who dies, not here.' 

A small part him wants to kill the grounder to see if he would get a reaction out of Clarke. 

******

After a month and half, Bellamy has decided he has had enough. They can't keep the grounder here forever, they are wasting man power by having two people guard him at all times. They need to hunt, they need to store food, winter was coming and they couldn't wait much longer. 

Bellamy finds Clarke at the medical tent, sorting out her supplies. 

He stands in front of Clarke, she doesn't look at him. He sighs and says, "Listen Princess, I get it, you are upset about Finn. You feel guilty. But you can't keep doing this. I can't keep running this place by myself. I don't know what plants to collect, I suck at getting people to do their work without threatening them, and I hate talking to the Ark. I need you, the camp needs you." 

Bellamy stands there, Clarke doesn't look up from her sorting. Bellamy is about to turn and leave when she looks up. 

For the first, in what feels like forever, her blue eyes are clear and bright again, a ghost of a smile crosses her face, "You need me?" She says. 

Bellamy feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He feels like laughing, like grinning like a fool. "Of course I do, I would probably accidentally poison all of us without you." 

Clarke almost smiles, he counts that day as the best day since they landed on earth. 

******

He talks to Clarke about the grounder, she agrees with Monty and Jasper, but then she says something that surprises him.

"We should negotiate peace with the grounders though him," she says to him one night as they are looking over maps. 

His shock must be clear on his face because she continues to say, "We are out numbered, they know where we are, they know this place, and we are hopelessly out gunned, so to speak. You may not like it but it's the only chance we have." 

He stays silent for minute before saying, "Octaiva is going to be happy."

Clarke smirks slightly, "And we will be lucky if Raven doesn't kill both of us on the spot." 

Bellamy smirks and says, "I'll protect you, Princess" 

******

Both Clarke and Bellamy went to the grounder. 

Bellamy stood back and let Clarke walk up to him. 

"I know you understand me, and I know your name, Octavia told me," Clarke said confidently.

Bellamy was surprised, he didn't know Clarke had talked to Octavia. 

The grounder simply looked at Clarke, he didn't react or anything. 

"We aren't going to kill you, Lincoln. In fact, we want peace. And we want your help," she said. 

"I can't negotiate peace terms," the grounder, Lincoln, said. 

"But you can bring them to your leader, can't you?" Clarke asked. 

Lincoln nodded, but his eyes were suspicions. 

"We wrote them down," Clarke said, "We want you to act as the middle man, so to speak." 

Lincoln stared at Clarke for a long time before saying, "I can't promise that this will work." 

Clarke sighed and pulled out a knife, she cut the ropes attached to one of his arms, "But we think it's worth a try, and I think you do too."

Clarke cut his second arm free, then she turned to Bellamy. He handed her the folded piece of paper that they wrote the terms on. 

"I trust that you can read English," Clarke said as she handed Lincoln the paper. 

Lincoln nodded. 

"Good, come back to our gate when your leader has answer for us. And maybe Octaiva will be there too," Clarke said. 

******

Later that night, Bellamy asked why Clarke brought up Octavia. 

"I knew it would discourage him from attacking us," she said without looking up from whatever she was doing, "He would never risk losing or hurting Octavia."

And not for the first time, Bellamy noticed how different she was. The Clarke before Finn's death would never manipulate someone like that. 

That would have been Bellamy's job. He wondered if now he was light to Clarke's darkness. 

******

Predictably, Raven was furious. She yelled and screamed at them, mostly at Clarke. 

At first, Clarke kept her face blank and just let Raven yell. But than Raven said she was betraying Finn by doing this. 

That's when Clarke snapped. 

"I am doing this for him!" She yelled angrily, "He wouldn't want us to initiate war with the grounders!"

Raven in turn yelled, "You didn't even know him!" 

That's when Bellamy decided that the fighting needed to stop. He grabbed Clarke by the arm and started to pull her away. 

Clarke fought his grip but it seemed like Raven's finally words took the fight out of her.

Bellamy pulled Clarke into his tent and sat her down on the makeshift bed and sat next to her. 

For a while they were silent. Clarke finally whispered, "She's right,"  
Bellamy opened his mouth to protest but Clarke continued to say, "I spent one night with him, and then avoid him once Raven came down. I barely knew him." Then the tears came. 

Bellamy nervously rubbed her back, "You did know him, maybe not in the same way. But it's not like you were total strangers." 

Clarke laughed humorlessly, "I used to think that too. Did you know he didn't trust you? In fact, he thought I was an idiot for trusting you. I didn't trust him and he didn't trust me." 

Bellamy wasn't exactly surprised that Finn didn't trust him. He didn't respond to Clarke, He just kept rubbing his hand up and down her back. 

******

They didn't hear back from the grounders for weeks. But no attacks came. 

Clarke was still hopeful that they could negotiate peace. Bellamy wasn't as positive. 

"It's been three weeks, Princess, I don't think peace is going to come any time soon," he said one morning as they patrolled the surrounding area of the camp. 

Clarke rolled her eyes and adjusted her gun on her shoulder, "Have a little faith, Bell. It's not like we expected an answer right away."

Bellamy nearly tripped over his own feet when she called him that. 

He didn't know how it happened, but Clarke was better, it felt sudden and wonderful. He didnt realize how much he missed her. Talking to her, arguing with her, it felt so normal. Almost like Finn wasn't dead and Raven didn't refuse talk to them. 

He hoped whatever changed with Clarke lasted.

******

When Lincoln finally came, it was nearly winter, two months after sending him back. 

It was one of the younger kids that spotted him. Soon the whole camp was yelling, "Grounder approaching!"

Bellamy raced though the camp looking for Clarke, he finally found her and Octavia coming out of the dropship. 

They didn't say anything to each other, they have been planning for this day for two months. Bellamy allowed Octavia to come outside of the camp's walls but refused to let her go any further. 

Clarke went to meet Lincoln, Bellamy stayed behind. He still didn't trust the grounder, despite what his sister said. 

Bellamy was too far back to hear what was said, but judging by the grounder's body language, it seemed fairly friendly. 

Octaiva leaned closer to him and whispered, "Relax, Bell. It looks like it's going well."

Bellamy didn't realize how tightly he was holding his gun, he tried and failed to loosen his grip. All he wanted was Clarke back by his side, he didn't like how exposed she was. The grounder could easily grab her and disapper into the woods before he could blink. 

Clarke began walking back toward them. Once he was in earshot, she said, "It worked. We have a treaty."

At first, Bellamy didn't react then next to him, Octavia gave whoop. She grabbed him from behind into a half hug, she released him and then moved on to Clarke. 

Clarke laughed and hugged Octavia back. Her eyes meet his and all he saw was happiness and light. 

******

Of course happiness didn't last long. Winter came upon them, and with no news from the Ark, they were on their own. 

The grounders agreed to split the territory at the river and to let the 100 live in peace, at least until the Ark came down. 

But then a sickness hit the camp, it hit the young ones first. They had a fever, chills, and they started coughing up blood, in the late stages. 

Some lived, some died. 

Clarke was practically living in the medical tent. She slept there most nights and took all of her meals there. Bellamy was afraid she would catch whatever they had. But the one time he told her this, she laughed him off. 

"If I didn't know better, I would think you cared, Bellamy," she laughed. 

It made him feel sick, because he did care about her. Somewhere in between negotiating peace and winter coming, Clarke had become more to him. And it scared him.

****** 

Raven started helping Monty with the dropship, trying to see if they could rig some kind of heater. 

Bellamy occasionally stopped to check their progress, mostly because it was the closest he could get to Clarke without her, or anyone else, noticing him.  
At least so he thought. 

After the fourth day of stopping by for a whole two hours. Raven came up to him. 

"You know, if you were trying to be subtle, you really failed," 

Bellamy broke his stare from Clarke and switched to Raven, "I just want to make sure she isn't pushing herself too hard. She is our only doctor."

Raven rolled her eyes, "Yeah, sure. That's why for two hours every day you come here just to stare, kind of creepily I might add, at her." 

Somewhere between peace and the sickness, Raven had forgiven them.  
She was a better person than he was. Bellamy couldn't imagine what he would do if Clarke died. 

Belllamy gave Clarke one quick last look before muttering, "Just work on the dropship." 

He could practically feel Raven's smirk. 

******

Octavia started noticing too.

He shouldn't really be surprised. She was always too observant for her own good. 

She mentioned Clarke a lot in their conversations, almost like she was waiting for him to say something. 

He wouldn't give her the satisfaction of being right, not about this. 

******

As the sickness spread though the camp, so did winter. 

Snow fell thick on the ground. He and Clarke deemed that tents weren't warm enough and thought the dropship might be slightly warmer. 

Clarke kept the third level her medical area for the sick. The first and second level was food storage and sleeping. 

The younger kids slept piled on top of each. While the older ones found a bed warmer, so to speak. 

Bellamy didn't sleep, at least not that much. Some nights it was too cold. But most of time he worried for the others. He usually walked around the first and second level. But this night he went to the third. 

He found Clarke huddling in a blanket.

Bellamy sighed heavily when he saw that she wasn't asleep. He sat down next to her, pressing his leg against hers for body heat. 

"You should be asleep," he whispered.

"So should you," she whispered back. 

Clarke adjusted herself to be closer to him, she threw the blanket over his legs and pressed her shoulder against his. 

His heart nearly stopped. She was so close. 

"What are you doing, Clarke?" He asked. 

"I'm cold," she said simply, "This is what everyone else does. Have you not seen Octavia and Jasper?"

Bellamy groaned, "Don't remind me."

Clarke laughed quietly.

"But really Clarke, you should sleep," he said sternly, "The camp needs you to be awake when you treat them."

Clarke signed, "It's no use, we don't have meds or even decent shelter. Most of the people sick aren't going to make it."

Clarke then shifted again so her legs were on top of his, "I don't think we are going to make it," she said almost carelessly.

"Don't say things like that," Bellamy snapped, "Yes, it's going to be hard. And yes, we will lose people. But I did not make a deal with the fucking grounders just for you to give up and die."

Clarke stares at him, her blue eyes wide and open. "I didn't mean to make you upset," she said gently. 

"Than don't talk about you dying," he said, the words slipping out. 

She smiled and whispered, "Ok, I won't."

Clarke leaned her head down on his shoulder and closed her eyes. 

For the first time that winter came, sleep came to Bellamy easily. 

******

Clarke was right. Most of them didn't make it. 

They went in to winter with 89, they came out with 70. 

Most died of the illness. A handful of them died of hypothermia. Only three died from wounds. 

All of the dead were buried where Finn and Wells were. 

Clarke came to the burial like always. But this time she walked with Bellamy there and back. 

******

When the snow started to melt and spring started to peak though the clouds, Octavia brought up Clarke again. 

She stopped bringing up Clarke in the winter, mostly because after that one night on level three, he and Clarke had taken to sleeping next to each other. 

Octavia could barely keep her happiness contained about that. 

But once the snow melted, both Bellamy and Clarke went back to their separate tents. 

Octavia wasn't pleased. 

"C'mon Bell, it would be better for the camp if you guys shared a tent," 

Bellamy rolled his eyes, "How would that be better for the camp?" He asked. 

Octavia bit her lip, "I don't know, maybe both of you would be happier."

"Happiness isn't exactly important right now, O," he said almost sadly.

******

Part of Bellamy wanted desperately to be happy with Clarke.

But Bellamy knew Clarke. He knew her feelings for Finn ran deeper than she thought. 

He knew Clarke may need him with the camp and leading. But she would never need him like that.

****** 

Spring arrived.

They started building cabins for next winter. It was a slow process but it was going to worth it. 

Clarke and Raven finally were able to get the Ark to respond. Both of them gave a report on what had happened. Raven came out first, her eyes were wide and dazed, "They aren't coming down. They somehow fixed the Ark, they are now going to keep the oringal plan," she said. 

Bellamy couldn't believe it. He was about to go into the tent himself when Clarke came out. She met his eyes, and gestured that he should follow her. 

They left camp and walked for a while. Clarke leading the way. She didn't stop until they reached a small pond. Clarke sat down by the water's edge, Bellamy followed her down. 

Bellamy broke the silence, "Raven told me about what happened."

Clarke laughed humorlessly, "Did she also tell you that they aren't even going to send down supplies?"

Bellamy didn't say anything.

Clarke leaned her head on to her knees, "I am such an idiot. I honestly thought they were going to come down and everything would be fine." 

"We all thought they were going to come down," Bellamy tried to reassure her. 

"What are we even going to do know, Bell? We barely survived winter once. How are we going to do it again?" She asked hopelessly. 

"We will have cabins by then. And we are all better hunters," he paused before adding, "And you'll have me." 

Clarke pulled her head up and frowned, "What does that mean?" She asked. 

He stared in to her deep blue eyes. He remembers seeing them so dull and empty, he couldn't imagine it now. 

Instead of answering her, he leaned over and brought one of his hands to the back of her, guiding her mouth to his. 

Her hands came up almost immediately to grasp his hair. Her mouth opened against his and he pulled her into his lap. They broke up, gasping for breath. 

"It means that," he said, "We'll survive, we'll live. We always have."

Clarke smiled and brushed some of his hair off his forehead, "Okay," before she leaned down to touch her mouth to his.


End file.
